I've always wondered whether food wants to be eaten. It could go either way, really. Think about it: when a kernel of rice falls from your plate of kung pao, is it rejoicing in its escape from the death row of your belly? Or is the little guy heartbroken because he lost his one chance at making you happy and fulfilled-- his one purpose in life, to feed you, shot to pieces by one careless flick of your chopsticks?

According to Adam Sandler, it's the latter. In his own talks with anthropomorphic food, he advises the food to be nice to its creator, the lunch lady. Quoth Sandler, "If it wasn't for her the kids wouldn't eatcha/ you should be shakin' her hand and saying 'Pleased to meetcha.'" Since the food is meant to be grateful to the lunch lady for serving it to the kids, it is safe to assume that food does in fact want to be eaten.

So next time you see a little stray noodle on your placemat, don't cast a blind eye. Pick that sucker up and send it down the chute. It'll be happy you did. And never forget the five second rule.