I'm reading a fantastic novel called "Like the Red Panda," by Andrea Siegel. The main character, Stella, shares my outlook on life, save two small differences. Basically, both Stella and I admit that we are solitary warriors in this life, alone in our heads even amongst the people we care about. We both save our true feelings for when we're in the company of a select few who understand us (and who feel similarly marginalized and alone); otherwise we're very pleasant people, and we try hard. The differences, though, are: 1. She has found peace with her solitude and actually seems to prefer being misunderstood; I, on the other hand, can't shake the feeling that there's something wrong with me for not needing to reach out all the time. 2. I am optimistic that things will change one day, whereas Stella is suicidal. And not in a tragic way, just more of a matter-of-fact way.
Interestingly, in the book Stella's stage is characterized as one which you need to move through to get to where I am. Stella uses the old riddle of the creature who has four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three in the evening, to describe her grandfather. She is depressed by his failing body and mind. At one point he says to her, "Why don't you try rising above being a woman? You're so hurt by everything you can't separate your duty from your emotions." I take this to mean that she needs to get beyond her callused world view and not let the disconnectedness of everything bother her. She is so comfortable being alone that it actually makes her uncomfortable to be around others-- kind of like Charlotte in the bunny vibrator episode of Sex and the City. Let's go back to the riddle, then, but with a new interpretation. Stella is the two legged man at noon, and I am the three legged man who has gained back one of the childhood legs of optimism and innocence. I really don't think Stella is going to commit suicide at the end of the book, because now she sees what she is lacking. For me, this has always been the first step in successfully resolving a problem.
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My cell phone automatically deletes text messages that are oldish. I think it takes about five or six days. It's like stuff before then never even happened. Tabula rasa. Interesting.
Interestingly, in the book Stella's stage is characterized as one which you need to move through to get to where I am. Stella uses the old riddle of the creature who has four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three in the evening, to describe her grandfather. She is depressed by his failing body and mind. At one point he says to her, "Why don't you try rising above being a woman? You're so hurt by everything you can't separate your duty from your emotions." I take this to mean that she needs to get beyond her callused world view and not let the disconnectedness of everything bother her. She is so comfortable being alone that it actually makes her uncomfortable to be around others-- kind of like Charlotte in the bunny vibrator episode of Sex and the City. Let's go back to the riddle, then, but with a new interpretation. Stella is the two legged man at noon, and I am the three legged man who has gained back one of the childhood legs of optimism and innocence. I really don't think Stella is going to commit suicide at the end of the book, because now she sees what she is lacking. For me, this has always been the first step in successfully resolving a problem.
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My cell phone automatically deletes text messages that are oldish. I think it takes about five or six days. It's like stuff before then never even happened. Tabula rasa. Interesting.
posted by Alli @ 12:48 PM
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