It just hit me that today is my last day as a San Franciscan. I'm gonna miss the hell out of this place. I know I complain and bitch about it sometimes, but I feel like I've put a lot of myself into my time here. I'm leaving behind friends that, in all honesty, I won't see for a long time (if ever again). It's like ending a relationship... it has to happen, but at the same time, you're like, goddamnit, all that was for nothing.

I want to make a senior will for San Francisco. I'm leaving behind special places, so take care of them well.

To C. I leave the cable car. May you never have to pay with money, and instead flirt your way to 1400 Washington.
To M. and B. I leave the entire Sunset district. What the hell, it was never mine to begin with, except maybe Parnassus... you can have that whole cloudy foggy place, no problem.
To L. I leave Gorilla Sports. You're shameless in your pursuit of hot bodies, so you will fit in there perfectly.
To D. I leave my cramped, diseased, stale little hole. I mean bedroom. I can't ditch that thing fast enough. :O)
To A. I leave Berkeley, UC and surrounding. Try not to cause too much trouble there now... you're a senior citizen. S. can take over custody once he turns 21.
To the other A. I leave the SF hot spots. I'm too old and tired to be a socialite, so find yourself another G. and party like it's 1999. I also leave you all the trendy boutiques in Union Square... say hi to the shopgirls for me, would you?
To Z. I leave I-680. We've been up and down that entire goddamn thing more times than I can count. In terms of mileage, you have the best bestowment by far. Just try not to go 150 mph again, for my own peace of mind.
To R. and the MZ crew I leave my Starbucks. They will be going out of business without me, but try to be good patrons for the week or so they stay afloat before boarding the doors shut forever.
To M. I leave Hamilton Pool, and the middle lane with the slow dude. Good luck on Wildflower, bro.

Alli out.