On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate my innocence? 1 being not at all innocent, and 10 being minister's daughter. I ask because I feel like I have seen some of the worst of humanity over the past 24 hours... but I might just be sheltered.

Last night I took the 19 Navy Yard to 8th and Brannan and saw a new cross section of San Francisco's inhabitants. Normally I stick to the 1 California, which ferries mostly Chinatown residents and downtown professionals, and the cable car (always a nice homogenous mix of moneyed tourists). This bus went through the Tenderloin to the Deep South of Market (think 8th street). I think I actually frowned the whole way to REI. Something about the blend of old, thin, sickly people and younger, sicker women with needle tracks on their arms just depressed me. There was one woman in particular who unsettled me... she was fidgeting more than a three year old told to sit still. She had huge circles under her eyes, and her bleached hair was rattily tied into a bun at the back of her thin head. She wore tight jeans and a tank top that looked bad on her, not because of her weight-- she was actually deathly thin-- but because she was obviously an ill woman underneath the clothing. She was the first crack whore I had spent any prolonged amount of time with.

Then today, at work, one of my doctors got an email from her family far away. Her niece, who had been in a hospital recovering from illness, had been stabbed repeatedly overnight by her caretaker. Apparently the caretaker had killed two other women before moving on to my boss' niece. The girl is still alive, but barely. I felt like someone had slapped me when I heard the news. What kind of world is this?

I think I've answered my own question-- don't bother emailing me with my innocence rating. I guess I knew people got murdered, did drugs, and basically live in ways I can't imagine. I've seen it all on TV. I'm just wondering... will seeing it get any easier with age, or will it hurt every time I notice someone in a bad place?