The wacky world of DC bathrooms

I think the thing I miss most about California are the bathrooms. I have simple expectations; when I walk into a bathroom, I expect a few stalls, a sink with soap, and a second or two alone with the mirror. Here, the affair is completely ruined. First of all, the stalls almost never have seat covers. What is that? You name the place: hospitals, nice restaurants, seedy bars, they all expect us to do the lady squat I guess.

After an unsatisfactory stall experience, I move to the sink area to be met by a bathroom troll who has removed all the paper towels and soap from the dispensers. Why? So I have to turn around and get them from her. It's a racket. You can't not tip the troll, because they're just so darn helpful. Except for when they stole my soap and towels, but I digress.

So not only are the bathrooms less hygienic, but they also cost me. This is not good because I have a tiny bladder. The troll has a ton of stuff to sell you: gum, cologne spray... and maybe she should throw some diapers in there, too, so once we go into the bathroom we never have to come back the rest of the night. The really jacked up thing is that I can buy cologne and gum and mints in the bathroom of a bar, but I can't buy alcohol in a Safeway.