So today a friend of mine that I haven't seen for awhile came into the clinic. I was surprised to see her there, but she was glad to see me because her buddy coudn't make it and she needed a hand to squeeze. I'm used to helping the doctor during the procedure, so I went in with her and kept her company while the doctor did the biopsy.

We talked as the doc did her thing, and it turns out she's going on vacation tomorrow. I was jealous... and she recently started seeing a new guy, and that's going pretty well. I was happy for her. But the doctor was acting kind of funny, and after my friend left, she told me that my friend has cancer. From what I understand, it's not the worst kind you could have, but the chances of metastasis are pretty high. She could die. And regardless, she's going to spend the next few years of her life in treatment and worrying nonstop. And the worst part of it is: she's about my age, 23. She could be me. Or you.

The part about this that scares and depresses me is not just that she could die so young. I know I could have died so many times already of a million things. Bad luck happens. But I don't want to die alone. And I don't want to die before I know whether I understand love or not. It's like I'm just beginning to understand how awesome life is... but what if I got cancer today? I feel so alone every day as it is. Who would support me and go with me to my doctor's appointments? Most of the people I know would get scared and avoid me. Sorry. I hope the new guy in my friend's life is up to the task. I'm sure he's going to get more than he bargained for.

I'm beginning to think the point of life is to just be happy. If she's happy and her life is full of love, then she might have everything she wants even if she dies within a year. Or does that sound ridiculous? I don't know, what's the point of any of this? What the hell am I supposed to do?