Why I'm a girl

I'd make an awful guy. I know I'd be really bad at guy-type things, like throwing a baseball, and they'd all make fun of me for it. Plus, I'd have to deal with hair in weird places and I definitely wouldn't be able to dance in my socks to Britney Spears anymore. It's probably a good thing God made me a girl, because I'd make a real mess of things as a guy.

But there are some things about being a girl that I just can't grasp. Why can't I own a pair of pantyhose for longer than a day without snagging them? It's not like I'm rolling around in a pit of Velcro all day. Another ladylike talent I lack is the ability to sit still. I'd much rather slouch, stretch, and scratch than perch in a chair with my hands neatly folded in my lap. I stick my foot in my mouth, I like getting dirty (stay with me people, minds outta the gutter), and I am the best parallel parker in forty eight states. These are not girly traits.