A whole nother post and a half

I like to think my grammar is decent, and while I'm not the best storyteller in the world, I can pull random SAT words out of my ass in the course of regular conversation (but only if I'm comfortable around you). The one thing I need to change is "a whole nother." As in, "I need to get a whole nother tube of toothpaste; this one has been contaminated." WHERE did I get this expression? It's so wrong. Possible replacements include: another, another whole, etc. Noted.

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I think I figured out one of the reasons I'm better friends with guys than girls, in general. It has a lot to do with counseling and dealing with problems. What I have to offer a friend is insight on how other people react and respond to different situations. This is somewhat unique to me, but really all girls have this talent to some extent. Anyway, when a guy comes to me with a problem, I can help him understand how the different people in the situation are probably feeling and what to expect next.

What I lack, and what my guy friends offer me, is a clear picture of what I'm like. I have a hard time seeing myself as others do, so I rely on my friends to give me feedback. My best friends are guys who aren't afraid to do just that. If I screw up, they let me know, which no girl friend I've ever had could do.

What this boils down to is the difference between men and women. Women are good at feeling and empathy and sympathy and pathy in general. We can explain confusing things like why a girl keeps calling or why your friend is mad, because we can imagine what it's like to be that person. Men are great at seeing what's wrong in a situation and telling people how to make it right. I think a lot of girls who have only female friends are kind of like the blind leading the blind; they watch Friends and eat ice cream and agree that my ex must be an asshole because he hasn't called. And even if they think I might have made a mistake, there's no precedent set for how to correct each other's behavior; all we have is agreement. Guys have the self-confidence to tell others what's wrong, and girls have the nurturing instinct. I think that men and women will seek each other out as friends as long as they are interested in understanding relationships and knowing the truth; otherwise, they'll stick to their own sex for advice.

Easter Egg Hunt!

Welcome to Alli's Easter Egg Hunt! At the end, open up your eggs to get great prizes, such as your car, your house keys, and your luggage!

Station 1: Find the egg that has your car keys in it!
To do this, you'll need to leave all your luggage from Spring Break with Slider. Take Metro to Dupont Circle, and search very carefully for a wasted guy named R-Smelly who drove your car all week, while you were in Jamaica. Can't find him? Then take a cab home from Metro and wake up your apartment manager to let you into your apartment, because you don't have your keys.

Station 2: Find the egg that has a phone with which you can call aforementioned "friend"!
Start at the pay phone by your house, which doesn't work. Find the manager of your neighborhood gym, who can lend you his cell phone! Excellent work! Leave a message to have R-Smelly drop off your car ASAP (not after church, not after buying Andy a new cell phone, but BEFORE) because you have absolutely no tofu and things are going downhill.

Station 3: the home stretch! Grab that egg with your car and get your luggage!
When R-Smelly is done with your car, he'll drive it slowly but roughly to your house, probably with the parking brake on, causing as much damage as possible in the most amount of time. Well not really... in fact, his friend Jarod totally fixed the sound system so now it sounds decent. Now drive to BFE... I mean, North Rockville, to Slider's and get your luggage. Go home and try your best to sleep off a week's worth of hangovers. Sit on your hands and cackle like a chicken. Lose one egg, also lose $500. If you know what that last quote is from message me and I will love you forever.

Happy Easter to me!

Jamaica Mistaica, part 2

I didn't grow up on the beach, okay? If there's one thing I can't stand, it's the inescapable stereotype that accompanies a California license plate, the assumption that I grew up sandy-haired and brat-spoiled like the girls in "The OC." Well, maybe I actually like having that projected on me. :o) My point is, though, that there are a ton of things I've never done before when it comes to the ocean. Before this trip, I had never swum in deep open water (except for my triathlons, but those don't count because there's a dude in a kayak making sure you don't drown), I'd never cliff dived, and I'd certainly never peed in the ocean. Who said that was okay, honestly? Everyone was doing it, so I went ahead...

Unfortunately, Mr. Ocean was NOT okay with the pee party. He got me back when I cliff dived: after a 43 foot drop, I hit the backs of my legs in the water and scored a bruise that earned the pity of all. Now, when I pee in the proper way, sitting on a toilet, it hurts like hell because my legs and butt are battered up. That, my friends, is not coincidence, but revenge!

The good news: I got over my fear of heights and my fear of water in one fell swoop (my fear of public urination was conquered at some point last semester on a really long walk to Adams Morgan Metro)

The bad news: my vitamin deficient diet, described below, has enhanced my bruisability such that my post-jump DCAP BTLS may be around for awhile

Jamaica Mistaica

I seriously have scurvy. I got home just a few minutes ago from Jamaica and I had this uncontrollable urge to eat a vitamin tablet. I followed it up with what I hope is an energy-replenishing meal:

1 Gardenburger
1/2 bell pepper
1 can V8

This is a more complete meal than any I got on vacation, for sure. There were several factors that entered into my decision to eat... well, nothing in Jamaica:

1. There is no vegan food, except for white rice and jerk sauce, which I tired of immediately
2. Eating one meal a day is three times as cheap as eating three square meals
3. That extra money can be spent on beer, rum, etc.
4. Furthermore, because you are eating only once a day, you become drunker faster. This actually makes it approximately four times as cheap to eat once a day
5. Beer has calories, and is vegan, so stop stressing already

Very logical, right?

More later. My body wants sleep.

I was thinking about advertising today in the shower.

Last spring I was part of a focus group for this Neutrogena hair care line for people with really dry hair, and at the time I thought focus groups were ridiculous and the ad company was wasting its money. Basically I sat there for a few hours, ate some free food, and criticized different advertising layouts. In particular, there was one spread that featured a tub of hair creme, but the lid was arranged so it looked like a hockey puck. I told them it sucked.

Back to my shower musings... I bought the shampoo and conditioner from this line a while ago since the East Coast winter has plagued my hair with the frizzies. As I used it, I thought about the ad layouts and how advertising would be an interesting job; as a matter of fact, I would argue thatadvertisements are the most important art form out there today. You may be surprised/disgusted/suspicious to hear me talk about ads in such glorified terms, but it's true. If art is produced to make people feel a certain way, then advertising qualifies. A good ad makes you feel, among other emotions, incomplete without the product in question.

I was definitely feeling incomplete without the Neutrogena Triple Moisture shampoo and conditioner. In fact, my hair is looking a lot better but I'm not sure I bought quite enough of the products, so I might have to go back to CVS and get the once-a-week hot oil treatment. It's okay, though, I'm still ahead: I got $75 for the focus group. :o)

Alli's back!

After a brief Starbucks hiatus, I'm readdicted and trippin on the juice. The habit built up so slowly I didn't even realize it. About four weeks ago, I was completely abstinent with a bad case of the flu, and now I'm chain-drinking(1). Good thing I didn't decide to give up coffee for Lent-- I wouldn't have lasted past my first Sunday morning! Too bad there are no Peetses around...

I just got chastised for wearing my Juicy sweats to the gym. :o) It started out with a compliment from Jamie, my workout bud, but soon escalated into a fashion guilt trip. "Ooh, those are cute! If I had Juicy sweats, I'd wear them only when I'm trying to look casual but really look sexy and put together." The thing is, I work out 32% harder when I look cute because I'm like, hey, if I already look this cute then bring on the pain! Definitely worth the exorbitant price.

On March 18th, fear comes full circle. No, I'm not talking about "The Ring 2." I'm talking about my last day of finals. What the hell am I going to do?

(1) Chain-drinking is a phenomenon encountered with heavy Starbucks users. When approaching Starbucks you throw away the almost-empty cup that you're still consuming in the outside trash can so your car cupholder can hold your new drink. Outside trash can is key; don't let the barista see that you've been drinking or they might cut you off.