This weekend I went to Silver Cycles to get some lube for my chain. It was five bucks, and I felt bad paying for that with my credit card... so I picked out some aero bars, new wheels, and cute blue tires to boot.

To be honest, I have been meaning to make the above purchases for a while... I definitely needed them before the CaliMan Half. It wasn't as impulsive as that. Proof. (I wish I had the money to just go buy a ton of biking stuff whenever I want!) Anyway, I got my fingernails greasy, put all the goodies on my bike, and took it out for a spin! It's so speedy. The aero bars have a dual effect:
1. They make me faster by reducing my profile.
2. They make me meaner looking and more likely to zap pedestrians with MIND BULLETS.

The thing about aero bars is, you can't not feel badass when riding in them. Just look at my pic below. Okay, I'm smiling, but it's a badass smile. And I guarantee if you were a pedestrian, you'd jump outta my way if you saw those gnarly bars comin atcha. I even invented a game. If I want a pedestrian to move out of the way, I press an imaginary button on my aero bar and the pedestrian gets zapped with mind bullets. Then they jump out of the way. If that doesn't work, I call out, "Bike on your left." That works, too.

My imaginary pedestrian zapping weapon, complete with imaginary red buttons.

Why I'm a girl

I'd make an awful guy. I know I'd be really bad at guy-type things, like throwing a baseball, and they'd all make fun of me for it. Plus, I'd have to deal with hair in weird places and I definitely wouldn't be able to dance in my socks to Britney Spears anymore. It's probably a good thing God made me a girl, because I'd make a real mess of things as a guy.

But there are some things about being a girl that I just can't grasp. Why can't I own a pair of pantyhose for longer than a day without snagging them? It's not like I'm rolling around in a pit of Velcro all day. Another ladylike talent I lack is the ability to sit still. I'd much rather slouch, stretch, and scratch than perch in a chair with my hands neatly folded in my lap. I stick my foot in my mouth, I like getting dirty (stay with me people, minds outta the gutter), and I am the best parallel parker in forty eight states. These are not girly traits.

In order to increase the likelihood that I will finish a marathon this fall, I entered this wacky 200 mile relay called Tom's Run. Runners have bike escorts to make sure they traverse the path safely. I was running a leg somewhere in Nowheresville, MD (Pop. 25, frog pop. 18,295) at around 10 pm last night and tripped over something big. Chris, my bike escort, laughed at me.

The photo below is my new roommate Erin debriding my wounds. She's an expert because she's a prior. I trust her completely. Except... she did lock me in her car at one point last night. On accident. I think. Just a warning: if you happen to be in a BMW and the doors are locked from the outside, there's nothing you can do. The doors won't open from the inside, and the horn doesn't work. They're also quite soundproof, so people on the outside might mistake your bloodcurdling screams for frogs having sex (Erin did). I might buy a BMW, so in case I come across a fugitive from justice I can lock him inside my car until the authorities arrive.

I'm smiling in this picture. I wasn't smiling later when I got locked in the car.

Luck is in the air

I feel so free! I just downloaded Trillian and got rid of AIM and Yahoo Messenger. It's somewhat lacking; for example, I don't think I can click on links in people's profiles. Maybe this will help me refrain from checking and rechecking profiles, though (and accidentally clicking on spylinks... damn damn damn).

As I was walking to school today, I passed an LOL carrying some clover in her hand. I was preparing to give her the cursory howdy and walk by, but she thrust the clover in my face and cried, "Look!" There in her hand, she had an honest-to-goodness four leaf clover.

I wonder about the luck that comes with finding a four leaf clover. They're genetic mutants, and you kind of have to wonder what happened to the plant to mutate it. Is the lawn around it saturated with icky lawn chemicals? Did someone hide a radioactive bar in the dirt below it? If you have to get really close to a mutagen to acquire good luck, it doesn't seem worth it. It should be noted that she also had a five and a seven leaf clover. She seemed puzzled by these, and asked me, "Have you ever seen this many leaves on a four leaf clover?" I could honestly answer that no, I had not.

A few paces down the road I found my own four leaf clover. It was kind of jacked, but it's only the second one I found myself in my lifetime. I wish I had taken a picture of it for everyone to see, but I lost it on my way to school. Instead, here's a picture of what I believe is the luckiest plant ever: Rabbit Foot Clover. It's like a 2 for 1 special.