Why are telemarketing companies all up in arms about the "do not call" list? I understand that they want to reach as great a market as possible. But it seems to me that the kind of people who sign up for the "do not call" list are going to be the same kind of people who would just hang up on telemarketers anyway. The "do not call" list might actually be good for telemarketers... less time wasted on unreceptive customers.

Why does DSL take so long to connect? I don't need anything installed. I don't need to order equipment. I've seen the DSL work in my apartment, so there are no technical difficulties. Does it take a whole week for them to put my phone number in the computer and hit the enter key? I feel like I'm in a frickin bread line in communist Russia!

Today's assignment: Using GRE- style problem solving to help sort out the nighttime rituals of a girl with borderline OCD.

Alli can only take out her contact lens when her hands are clean.
Alli's hands get "dirty" when she brushes her teeth.
Alli likes to brush her teeth before she washes her face.
Alli's hands are only clean after washing her face and after using the toilet.
Alli can't wash her face with the contact lens in, because she gets scared it will fall out.

In what precise order must Alli perform her rituals?

I really think I should lay off on the espresso...

So I went into the Starbucks right down the block from Mt. Zion this morning and ordered my grande nonfat extra-hot latte (N, X-H, L). The barista, upon hearing this, turned and said "Hey, girl! Are you feeling better?" I couple of days ago I was sick and couldn't go see his band play. I said yes, thanks, and I got out my wallet to pay. The cashier said, "Ooh, cute purse!" and this caught the attention of another barista, who said, "Where's the bag, Ms. Smith?" She was referring to my new bag, the cutest bag in the world, which she had ogled a few days ago. Barista 2 told Cashier "she has the cutest bag." Cashier replied, "I know, I love it! I love corduroy." Barista 2 said, "No, not this bag, her other one! The Dibbly and Bouk one or whatever." The cashier was confused. And then I realized, what kind of world do I live in where the baristas know my last name, catalog the bags I carry, and remember when I've been sick? My roommate Kelly didn't even know my last name until last week!

I'm starting to recoup some of my losses. The other day I was waiting for the bus and I asked some passersby if they had change for $1. The new bus fare is $1.25 and I needed a quarter. So this guy roots around in his pocket and produces 5o cents, but his friends don't have any change. So I figure the bus is going to cost me $1.75 this time... but he refuses my dollar, so in a weird turn of events I got 50 cents from a perfect stranger. Another time waiting for the bus, also this week, I got a mini acupressure treatment from this eccentric but nice guy. He 'zapped' my back with this zapper thing that kind of alarmed me, but was quite therapeutic. So I'm not sure if I've gotten back my $2 yet but I bet I'm close.

Today is the best day. I just went to Starbucks to grab my coffee and it's really beautiful outside... warm and sunny, but not oppressive. Just like at the beach. Walking down Divisadero in my sunglasses and flipflops and my little summery outfit just felt so good. It reminded me of an all-time favorite song of mine.

You're a summertime hottie with her socks in the air
Screaming I don't care, baby I don't care

Recently I lost $2, $1 at a time, in demoralizing ways.

$1. I was walking to the bus stop the morning after a *fun night out*, and my head hurt a lot. I had $1 in my hand, but somehow when I got to the bus stop it wasn't there anymore. So I turned around and saw this little old lady with a hairnet and ortho shoes and shopping bags and all that pick up my dollar. I kind of said aloud, "That's my dollar," but it was just to myself-- she was a block away. She probably went and bought a lottery ticket with it. Damn.

$2. I bought a set of Xmas lights at a garage sale to decorate the tree in my bedroom. It's a regular tree, not an Xmas tree. I just thought it would look nice. My friend Kelly was there and said, "That's a good deal, if they work." Nope. And the garage sale guy probably knew they didn't work. Furthermore, in retrospect, $1 is kind of a lot for used Xmas lights even if they do function. They should have been in the 25 cent bin. Damn.

So today a friend of mine that I haven't seen for awhile came into the clinic. I was surprised to see her there, but she was glad to see me because her buddy coudn't make it and she needed a hand to squeeze. I'm used to helping the doctor during the procedure, so I went in with her and kept her company while the doctor did the biopsy.

We talked as the doc did her thing, and it turns out she's going on vacation tomorrow. I was jealous... and she recently started seeing a new guy, and that's going pretty well. I was happy for her. But the doctor was acting kind of funny, and after my friend left, she told me that my friend has cancer. From what I understand, it's not the worst kind you could have, but the chances of metastasis are pretty high. She could die. And regardless, she's going to spend the next few years of her life in treatment and worrying nonstop. And the worst part of it is: she's about my age, 23. She could be me. Or you.

The part about this that scares and depresses me is not just that she could die so young. I know I could have died so many times already of a million things. Bad luck happens. But I don't want to die alone. And I don't want to die before I know whether I understand love or not. It's like I'm just beginning to understand how awesome life is... but what if I got cancer today? I feel so alone every day as it is. Who would support me and go with me to my doctor's appointments? Most of the people I know would get scared and avoid me. Sorry. I hope the new guy in my friend's life is up to the task. I'm sure he's going to get more than he bargained for.

I'm beginning to think the point of life is to just be happy. If she's happy and her life is full of love, then she might have everything she wants even if she dies within a year. Or does that sound ridiculous? I don't know, what's the point of any of this? What the hell am I supposed to do?

So I am sitting here listening to music on my computer with headphones, and wearing glasses (since I just woke up and haven't put my one contact lens in yet). And I suddenly realized how strange it is to have all this equipment on my head. Can you imagine any other animal in the world being comfortable with weird stuff in their ears and in front of their eyes? I've tried putting hats and glasses on my cat before. The cat just freaks out. But maybe it's not so much a case of human exceptionalism, but rather of becoming accustomed to the sensation of something new. Yeah, not that I think of it, that has to be it. For example, horses have bits in their mouths all the time, and I'm sure they don't like it, but they get used to it. Never mind, humans aren't so special. Carry on.